In a woman’s life, one particular moment happens: she wakes up in the middle of a bad night’s sleep, gets up to drink water, and finds her man in front of the computer with his pants down.
(For a strange reason, women come across this much less often – or, in general, do not come across.)
It can be porn, or paid sex chat, or just an online lover.
About this do not say, admit it is embarrassing, but the phenomenon is not so rare. Even in the family comedy “Bad Mom” the heroine catches her husband on a session with a friend from the Internet, with whom he “meets” for almost a year. In the series “Just” (Easy), the wife finds her husband at the moment when he instead of the documentary “Slavery. Sands of Time “looks” Sands of Sex “- well, accidentally caught in the list of films.
Everyone does this. Constantly or from time to time. Being lonely or paired. But if a person has a partner, then the question is, can masturbation be considered a loss of sexual interest in him?
I want to say – okay, what kind of nonsense, it does not mean anything. But in fact, everything is not so simple.
In Tinder and other applications for dating, there are men who get acquainted, talk to you, and then move towards sex-correspondence. Let’s say you offer them to meet – and then there are two options: they stop talking or confess that they have a wife / girlfriend. They want sex, which they for some reason do not get from their girlfriend or wife, but do not want to trouble themselves with this betrayal, but remote sex suits them in words, it’s such a compromise.
Often even those people who have lived together for a long time, or can not open up to each other, or their interests diverge.
I know a girl who wanted a really hard sex, with the game “rape”, but when she offered it to a man with whom she had lived for a couple of years, he just laughed. Hope, but these people were together for three years. As it turned out a few months later, he spent the best nights of his life in sex chats – he caught simpletones, who bragged about how cool he was, and they were pining at the thought that he had three cars and a big house. To each his own.
Our sex life is divided into two parts – what we want in reality, and what we fantasize about. And often these desires do not coincide dramatically.
One of my acquaintances in sex was very constrained: it is uninteresting to him, the other is unpleasant, the third in general causes rejection. At the same time, he rushed to watch pornography in any suitable case and plunged into his sex dreams, which he could not realize for some very personal reasons. And it was impossible to persuade him to try something new – he cursed, got drunk and disappeared for a week.
Confidence or frankness in sex does not always follow love – and then a person cultivates his “secret garden”.
A friend spent ten years with a woman who refused to do all sorts of different things, starting with oral sex and ending with hikes in sex clubs. He loved her, she loved him, they were a wonderful couple, they had a baby. Sex with them was often, but at night he locked himself in his office and scoured sex chats and sex forums, talked to women on skype. And yet he had an offline lover with whom he occasionally went to orgies (his wife often flew on business to other cities and countries).
On the one hand, there is nothing so strange. But here’s an important point – it turns out that in this way you still do not get full sex. Here – feelings, here – sexual fantasies. They do not unite. You’re split.
So you can live a lifetime and not know how great, if you are alone with yourself you imagine a person with whom you meet or live. And when you are not ashamed to offer each other some interesting sexual games. And when you do not need pornography, because you are doing it yourself.
And this is by no means a question of “morality”, but only of full-fledged sexuality.
The truth is that if you can not persuade a partner to do things, or he can not persuade you, then you do not want each other enough. Or one of you needs the help of a psychologist. Or you just finished it, and you do not want to admit it to yourself.
A friend said that he began to “retire” in the shower at the very beginning of the relationship. His girl quickly entered the routine mode: work, all sorts of homework and walks with the child, the series, sex every other day, brushing your teeth and sleeping. Thanks to this schedule, he himself cooled down – everything happened strictly on schedule and too quickly, technically, so two or three times a day he “put himself in order” in the bathroom. For a while he tolerated this, but then he got drunk somewhere, changed his beloved with a vigorous girl, woke up and went to part. From beginning to end, this story lasted two years.
The most difficult, of course, is when people are about five or ten happy, and then just kiss before bed. Yes, for a while porn works, hot conversations in Tinder, and even sex with other people from time to time, but all your life you will not last.
– Why do you do this if you have a man? The psychoanalyst asked me.
I got angry. In her mind she called her a prude. How “why?”, Which means “why?”, They all do it, what’s wrong with that? But then I began to wonder, and really, why? Here he is – a man. And I type like it. And he loves me. Well, laziness sometimes happens. We are not robots. I thought and thought, and eventually I realized that I did not want him any more. I can, and he is so close to me that we somehow unite, but all this is already untrue. I sometimes want only because he is near and because once we were very well together.
Yes, sometimes people prioritize – they say, we have a wonderful family, a mortgage, children, a dog, and all this is much more important than some amazing sex there. Destroy your life only because there is no previous heat ?! Probably, in 99% of cases the answer will be “no”, but the trick is that a person can not feel sexually unhappy for a long time. And people are very negative about adultery. And it is not entirely clear why a dull sex life is not considered an excuse for a break, and treason is considered.
You can choose any path, but it’s better not to hide from yourself the truth. If Internet sex / flirtation is causing more and more interest, then something is missing. Another question is where to get it. Still, somehow with someone who you already have, or completely change your life, starting everything from the beginning. Then everyone decides for themselves – well, or waits until life decides for him, for example, a friend will catch with her trousers down and realizes that everything is not as simple as she thinks.