Obviously, I’m not an expert in relationships. But some experience that I got during the divorce made me think, and what would I do differently, had I had a second chance. I lost a woman with whom I lived together for almost 16 years. And I do not want you to repeat my mistakes.
1. NEVER stop caring for her. NEVER stop dating
My biggest mistake was that I took my woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you surely were sure that you would always fight for her heart, protect her. But over the years these promises are surely forgotten.
Your wife is the most important and sacred treasure of your life. You chose her for yourself. Never forget this. And never be lazy to support your love.
2. Protect Your own Heart
You must be the protector not only of her heart, but your own. Protect your heart from other women with all due care. Love yourself and do not waste time on trifles. No one should claim your heart, except your wife. And she, on the contrary, must penetrate into it at first request.
3. Fall in love OVER and OVER and OVER again
You are constantly changing. You are not the same person who married. In five years you will not be who you are today. Changes are permanent, so you must consciously choose life with each other every day. Fight, conquer her love – just as you did in the first weeks after getting to know her.
4. Always see the best in her
Focus your attention on what you love about it, not on what annoys you. Only in this case your love for her will continue to grow. Focus on those moments of your life when you felt absolutely loved and absolutely happy person. You took her as your wife for a reason.
5. Do not try to change it. This is not your task
Your task is simply to love her. Do not try to adjust the parameters of her personality to herself. Do not break it. And then she will change in such a way that you will love her even more.
6. Take full responsibility for yourself
Take full responsibility for your emotions on yourself. Your personal happiness is not your wife’s concern. She can not make you happy if you do not want to. You are responsible for ensuring that all members of your family are happy. If you can become happy, happy, it will be, and all your family.
7. Do not ever blame her for blaming you for being angry
If you are upset or angry with your wife, then it’s only your personal emotions and your own choice. Your emotions are your responsibility.
Your woman does not have to heal your child’s injuries or run after you with an emotional “bib”. If necessary, take a pause, stay alone and sort yourself out. Once you stabilize your emotional background, then immediately notice that the relationship in the family began to rebuild.
8. Allow your woman to JUST BE
When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously
Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY…
Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved.
11. BE PRESENT
Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY
to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. DON’T BE AN IDIOT….
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. GIVE HER SPACE…
The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.)
15. BE VULNERABLE…
you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. BE FULLY TRANSPARENT
If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER…
The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY
Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY
and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE
In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.